Children … Less Noise … Less Noise… No Talking …. Hey you out there… No Smoking…

Yes Bharath … Stop looking out of the window the Aussie shift is over … Babes are gone. Come on back to the class now. Define Stress :

Yes Mam. Stress is biologically defined as body’s uncertain response to the demand made on it.

Alright Cut cut cut !!
Is it because the world around us totally being uncertain ?
or is it the IT industry where most of my folks work with fluctuating dollar rates
??

There is more to it than we can ever imagine.
The moment I wake up in the morning and catch hold of the daily tabloid, the first page has the breaking news as “Hayden calling bhajji – an obnoxious little weed”… Alright is that going to increase the GDP of India ??!
The 2nd page is so damn full of traffic violators across the city.
That Reminds me, my dad always wears a cap when he sits pillion with me, as he doesn’t trust my driving skills and
never wants to get publicized for the same !

[Honk Honk ! Stress meter 25 0n 100]

As I start to office, my mom reminds me to get in touch with the local schools to fetch an entry for my lil niece who stepped into this world couple of years ago.
The moment I made an enquiry into some popular schools, I was gasping for breath as the initial gift (“moi” writing) was in terms of lakhs.
I thought come-on it was jus’ a seat for kinder garden ??!

My stress meter ran up to 45 on 100 and I have not yet started for office with
my tolerance level going low against bribery n civic sense violations.
(come on wake up the “Indian thaathaa”)

I dressed up neatly and the certificate of approval from my Dad was “alright quite close to Balaiya in Okka Magadu”.
Huh ! My bold choice of colors are not catching the right eyes… Never mind ..AP is just 80 Kms away !
[Honk Honk ! Stress meter 50 0n 100]

I jumped into the Formula tracks of Chennai. Thoughts of my richest pals Mercedes E Class getting hurt in its jaw by a share auto kept running in my mind. Alright mine is just an 800 CC let me carry on.
Minutes later a Pulsar carrying a milk can came from nowhere (never knew pulsar got so famous??!)
and fell under signal and missed me in centimeters.
Scenes of people pouring milk to me on my final rites flashed in my mind…
Then I heard some foul language being radio cast @ 95.4 FM into my ears.. ? was it the Lord of Death ?
Nope I was alive. It was my beloved friend – the traffic policeman.
“here you go my LiveSense..oops my license”..!!

[Honk Honk ! Stress meter 75 0n 100]
Parked my car with its jaws bearing bruises by the milkman who kissed her. (idhku onnum korachal ila)
Got into a nearby supermarket to get a can of coke and saw Amitabh bachan marketing a pen, chocolate, shirt…
all within a span of 2 minutes…
followed by Bipasha basu endorsing Reebok ??!! though my stress meter came down to 45 on 100, I can’t really accept this.

Got back into my car with my right, left and central rear view mirrors open so that I can catch hold of all objects(including  the cute ones) coming behind me and “travel safe” in Chennai (wasn’t that an oxymoron ?)
Entered the busy-hot-spot of Chennai. The Katherpara junction. My little tyre(the cars tyre) got stuck into a pit and as I  got down to see what happened, I was adorned with paint falling down from the bridge under construction with a worker  mouthing some marathi words. “Thamizh is my breath, y should I reply” (this is one of the 101 ways of voicing out that you don’t know Hindi). Stress meter back to 75.
As I Entered office, there was a bomb squad waiting to invite us and many people were in queue.
A guy came forward and started checking my belongings and finally asked me to open my lunch box…
(Man I should send you to R Madhavan’s Vazhthukkal all alone !  or Saawariya (not the Tamil meaning.. I meant Bhansali’s  Sawariya)
Am I the MI Tom Cruise to set bombs with such crafty methods ???  Gosh !
Stress meter clocked 120 ….on 100 with heat exuding my ears.

I was an hour late and my manager was prompt in asking me “what’s wrong”..
My eyes questioning him back “what’s up with my B1 Visa ?”. His eyes replying “You are on waiting list 1275 as you never  worked last Sunday”.

I said “par cyre tuncture err… Car tyre puncture”. Yes. Undue levels of stress leads to the phenomenon called “Spoonerism”… Spoonerisms are words or phrases in which letters or syllables get swapped. [Students : Clap Clap Clap !! ]

This often happens accidentally  in slips of the tongue. This is a typical case of “disfluency” I thought to myself.
Is Aamir listening ? Deewana Aasmaan par (yeah that’s one of the 4 words I knew in Hindi)

So bored with Work. Roads. Traffic. Language. Feeling like Mithun Chakraborty holding the Guinness record for the Maximum  number of flops ? what not ??
Are you one of those affected victims like me ?
Presenting the all rejuvenated refreshing stress buster for this spring..
“Phantom Parody” – a desi comical English play to be staged this March 1st and 2nd @ the Museum theatre egmore, Chennai.
I do hear the words that you scream at me. Its alright.
This is one of the 1001 ways to kick-start an SPS (Self Publicity stunt)
thought by my script writer, founder, Director of Rebelz Entertainment(no ! not the adorable teddy bear of Kollywood) – Mr.  Vinodh Kannan (Autographs at the venue ;-) .

3 more days to go ! .. A weekend full of fun n frolic … Come and smile with us ! …Cheers….

Scribbled by Bharath

www.rebelz.in